At 12:45 last night I woke up to pee. Just like I do every night. Except last night was different. Because while I usually fall right back asleep, last night I almost couldn’t (spoiler alert: eventually I did).
But for almost an hour, I laid in bed wide awake. And it wasn’t because I was sad or hot or worried or stressed—it was actually the opposite. It was because I was so freaking excited.
Excited for the year ahead. Excited for all of the things I want to do. Excited for finally coming into my own, for finally putting myself first and saying fuck what anyone else thinks.
I was literally so excited about life that I couldn’t sleep…
That’s amazing. Seriously. That hasn’t happened since I was like 8 years old and excited to go on vacation. But as an adult? Sleeplessness is basically because of work or because of stress. Not pure excitement about life.
So while I woke up really tired this morning, I also woke up really hopeful. I truly believe the next 363 days are going to completely change my life, completely change who I am (for the better!), completely change what I want and what I ultimately end up getting.
It inspired me to make a list of all of the things I want to do in the next year because there are SO many. A single girl bucket list, if you will. Like take a solo trip to Europe, join a book club, and learn to make bagels. (The full—but constantly-being-updated—list is here.)
And yes, I recognize that these are all things I could do with a partner. And yes, I recognize that I didn’t have to take a vow of singledom just to fucking learn how to make bagels. But in my heart, I know this is what I need to do. I need to do it all for me. And to be honest, that’s all that matters at this point.
P.S. Back to the whole trip to Europe thing: I literally was thisclose to buying tickets to Italy last night. Keep in mind that 1) I’ve never been out of the country and 2) I’ve never gone on a vacation by myself! Like who am I?! But I really almost hit “buy” spontaneously. And while I’m going to wait a few days/weeks before I do book it (I think), the realization that I can do stuff like that now was probably the best feeling I’ve had in a very long time.
And on that topic… for people who have traveled overseas, help a girl out: Italy or Ireland or France in the fall?